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posted by Vivid Man at 1:36 AM
1 Comments:
Hello Janine Lindemulder,
My boss, Mr. Magliolo, asked me to contact you because the film
division of our consortium, Tabula Rasa Films, is producing a
perception-altering project exploring the inexorable power of an unfettered mind, and how the intransigent, paralyzing fear of stepping outside of one's comfort zone renders one emotionally inert and intellectually vacant. The project centers around what are the true keys to success and happiness: 1) discipline, 2) a sense of self, 3) patience, and
4) perseverance, and how emotional, intellectual, and psychological masquerades are insidiously self-destructive! It's our perception that you
possess most if not all of these qualities to varying degrees and we would like to interview you to discern how you acquired these sensibilities, whether from
parental guidance or trial and error from just living life or identity theft (can you
tell we're constructively impish?) or maybe you're just a mirage.
Not only to work at this production company, but also whether one is employed as on-camera talent, writers, consultants, or, most importantly,
"sycophants", you MUST be predernaturally sincere, undeniably forthright and
transcendently fearless! In addition to the fact that everyone here is a college graduate, almost everyone is Sicilian, including the owner, Mr. Magliolo, and
the delectably uncompromising nature that we possess (thanks to Mr. Magliolo's gracious guidance) confounds most people in this abysmal, miasmic, narcissistic
morass called Los Angeles. It seems like everyone out here is a
"duplicitous whore" except us. Altruism is almost as important as
hygiene at this production company (God I hope you have that
delicious, impish Italian sense of humor!). Also, it's impossible to
overstate how important family values are held in high esteem at this company, and if someone doesn't behave, they end up in the LA basin, or as we like to call it, "the Hudson River"! Strong people love the atmosphere here (almost as much as sex) and weak people can't take it here because they feel they get their "wittle feelings hurt".
Mr. Magliolo is exceedingly discerning and selective concerning his participants.
One must be sublimely well-mannered, genial, articulate, and substantive, as opposed
to most people who are tediously banal, predictable, glossy and pathologically narcissistic which, of course, makes them insufferably ill-equiped for success.
Everyone here at this company has learned a lot from Mr. Magliolo. One of the
many things he has taught us is that pulchritude is nice, but it fades away precipitously.
If you TRUELY desire to be rhapsodically joyous and exquisitely successful, one needs to develop their most important body part and their only enduring asset - THEIR BRAIN! Another "gem" is that how people imbecilically let fear control and eventually ruin their life, which, of course,
leads them down the path of blaming everyone but themself for their own lack of self-fulfillment.
If our assessment of you is accurate (we've heard, unlike most people, you possess
a backbone) and you are feverently interested in a project that is so audaciously stunning
(we've been told) you might have to remind yourself to breathe,
please let us know and we'll be happy to fill in the details.
Tentative participants are Ann-Margret, Marianne Williamson, Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Michelle Malkin, and Larry King. Once again, this is a major project and we must have a glorious opinion of you to even consider you for this cultural enhancing endeavor.
Fearlessly,
Annabella Giovanni
P.S. One of the primary characteristics of excellent emotional health
is a good sense of humor. Hopefully, you have one!
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